Everything changes

Everything changes in a year, a month, a week or even a day. It hurts really bad when a person yesterday made you feel special but today made you feel like shit. I don't really know how all these feelings have been developed but i know i definitely need a very long time to get all them off. All those words and actions were really the most heartbreaking memories. I don't really know how to deal with them. Maybe you did not mean it the way i assumed but i treated it real. This is why it hurts real bad when we're like this now. I hate how the things are like now. I guess there is no more 'pushing' and 'pulling' because you are distancing away. If that is what you want, i will do it too. Lets just keep this friendship going and only friendship. I will get over it soon because it isn't any fault of yours to make me feel this way. Maybe i am just not worth or you actually realise we aren't meant to be. All these thought affecting me crazily but i will just keep it in. How i wish i could tell all these to you but no, i wouldn't be so daring and direct. Whenever i feel like talking to you, overtime i tried not to because maybe thats what you want. Thats probably the best for us. Feeling miserable but i hope i will let it go soon.

样

总感觉自己变得不一样了
我好像为自己设了好多不同的面具
面对朋友，疯疯癫癫的自己
面对家人，时时刻刻笑着的自己
面对陌生人，开朗的自己
又有何人想过我内心也许是很悲观，很内向，宁愿把所有秘密藏在心里，也不跟任何人提起任何一个字
我也想把所有事情吐出来，但我怕
我怕没有人会听我说
但我更怕的是自己的信心，因为我始终说不出口
每一次，我很希望自己是一点都不敏感的人，有话就脱口而出，但我却不是，所有话之前一定是考虑别人会做何感想
每一次，我希望自己可以更乐观，像表面上一样，但其实我都会往悲观的方面想，因为不是觉得自己很可怜，只是好像习惯了，对自己真的一点信心也没有
每一次，我希望我不用说话，也有人可以懂我，但我没有
我希望自己可以试着相信人，因为有时对着自己好朋友，关系很好的朋友，心里的话也一样藏着。
我不知道自己可以撑到几时，但真的我需要发泄
读书的鸭梨是大的，对着自己的梦想，我有点迷茫，更多的是惭愧，因为好像自己根本没有努力往上，还在原地踏步。别人家都有其它艺术天分，而自己什么都没有，却什么也没有做，对着自己，真的失望，但我却不知道该怎么走下去。
飞碟，我真的很喜欢，但我知道自己也没有天分，只能靠后天的努力，但不知道会不会撑下去，真的怕自己到最后，什么都失去了。

Great start of the year 2015

Heyyyy I'm back after like a few months of fighting against the pressure of doing well and getting the o's result . It wasn't an easy period for all of us , we have to like mug all the time , like some lifeless people that only know how to study . But most importantly , luckily its all over and now its another whole new period !!! Actually i was hoping all of us could get the results that we all wanted but in the end ,  there were still some disappointment where some of them are really sad and we can't even do anything to actually help them . you know the feeling of being helpless , yes it sucks a lot . Sigh really do hope that they can help themselves by thinking positively in a way that it actually might lead them to a better life. But I'm also happy for people who had actually gotten good results or the kind of results they wished for all these while . I mean it don't have to be very good but as long as all of us know we had already given our best , it really doesn't matter for now . O level really don't determine anything because everyone can be successful in different way. I know how it means to all of us but we can't really do anything so why not just enjoy the last moment 

   No more talking about studies , and here's the holiday yayyyy. straight after our last paper , we actually went to eat korean buffet at united square . It was awesome because of the good food and definitely the good companion , impurities yay. Oh wait is it company or companion ? HAHAHA anw they are the ones that supported and motivated me these two years . I didn't regret knowing them because they are like the best of the best . I still remember during the first day of staying in 3E1'13 , i was so boring because there was no one fooling around like 2E1'12 people . It was super quiet and i couldn't take it . I was like : HELL , HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE TILL MY O'S END . But tadah i survived because i have them

They are my favourite girls as always and i hope our friendship will really last till the end no matter what . Ohya , back to united square ! That day was filled with laughters , especially when they actually took photos with the cute rubbish bins while people walked past us . They probably just find us really weird people , them i mean ;) AND HERE'S THE PHOTOS YAY.

The food are really good and you all should give it a try !! 

Then , the next thing up was class chalet and guides chalet . Though i couldn't stay for both and i had fun , like lots of fun !! Class chalet was fun with mahjong , karaoke and of cus the bbq !!! 

Then guides chalet . Wait it wasn't a chalet for me , rather an outing , a bbq outing . And that day was really torturing because we were waiting for the rain to stop . But even if its raining , the room was filled with lots of laughters , music and of cus our nonsense hehehe

Then prom yayyyy. 

Thats the end of november yay . And i actually work as a part timer in ajisen . The work was so fun but yet as the time goes by , its getting more boring and the feeling of quitting is getting stronger . Yep omg , i don't want to go work right now so badly.

Anw , the next outing that impurities had was to sentosa , in fact silos beach which is more specific . It was so fun , not just by playing but of cus the presence of theirs . Outing will always be very fun with them , the location don't really matters .

Thats the end of my 2014 because i actually celebrate my new year's eve by working zzz.  Anw , hope everyone is having fun and living happily in the whole new year . 

To my best best best pren

Hey why are u so sad and depressed:( I know it has been tough all these while for you , for all the bullshits u had to carry , all the tears u had to wipe away every night , for all the upset moments u had to swallow down each and everytym . Haish especially when it happens because of ur parents . I can understand the bias , rly , i can becus i had been through last time . I used to tink alot and cry under my blanket but trust me , tings will be fine . Maybe u might tink i said this in my perspective but it will , someday . Times will get it settled . For now , u can tell me all the craps , im willing to listen to u . Im ur 1⃣1⃣1⃣1⃣ fans ❤❤ HEHEHEHE well and the friendship , tat is one ting that i cant help u but i can continue to be ur bestpren :b but  im sure he will regret one day becus u r such a wonderful one but he chose to give up on the friendship. Trust me , one day , he will definitely regret . AnDDDDDDDD dont feel insecure anymore , next time i show u my fats , den u will know why i ask u dont:(((( so pls HAISHHHH HAHAHA okay after o's den gym everyday for hours , lose fats YAYYYYYY alright u r such a perfect fren , one of the reason why i dont regret to come to sengkang . Hehehe study hard , dont secretly cry liao , anything call me @ 999

心里有什么？

朋友的定义是什么
朋友对我来说的意义有是什么
我总觉得自己不被需要
走在哪儿，每个人只是擦肩而过
心情是什么，没人看得见
甚至没人管
只要我笑着，别人就觉得我是快乐的
只要我沉默，别人就以为我什么也不懂
其实我什么都懂
你们就懂得我的表面，谁又试过真正了解我
心里有许多话，只能往心里吞
何时才有一个人能听我说
现在，我也只是一个人
曾经有人问我，你能有什么烦恼
对，我表面上什么问题都没有
不代表我没有
只是藏在心里，谁都不说
委屈往心里吞
我的痛谁都不懂
完全不懂

Why would you?

They always say time changes everything.
Is it true?
Have been waiting for more than 3 years ,
3 years have passed like this
Nothing changes but you.
From such a nice and good gentleman
To like somebody who feel like a stranger
Time changes you but why not us ?
Why would you? 
Because of such small matter?
That isnt you .
Why did you even .
Why
Whenever i thought of you
I feel so upset
Heartaching
"Forget it" is what i always said
But deep down i still care
Like alot
Promised to move on
Yet
I still cant .
Still liking you is never a sad thing
But
What males me sad right now
Is the fact that u change
A huge tranformation.
Are we back to stranger ?

Left with emptiness

Heelo readers , its been long since i updated my blog😌. March , well how exactly should i describe about it? Averall , its been quite well but definitely there would be some unhappiness throughout the whole month . Its ending soon , how do u find March then?😊 Well the happiest thing that happened during March was the outing with magellan . Its not a long day with them , it was short indeed but im already feeling thankful and happy about it because finally got to meet them after so long . I miss all of them so much , the feeling when u see your 5 days soul mates although not everyone turned up.😄 Sigh i really miss being together with magellan during obs . It doesnt really feel the same even though we still can meet up . For me , i dont know why but it feels like part of it has gone and it feels really weird and empty after all .Anw , just saying haha . Another thing was during cultural night , it was so called a wonderful night ? Part of it was because we finally got to meet Juowi and Jamal , it was really really short meet up but im glad still because its rarely we can meet them .
To be honest , sometimes i feel like banging the wall , yes i am having so called a happy life but that feels really empty . People could see me laughing everyday in school , but when im alone at home , its not the same . I feel like i am not working hard for o level , o level is just around the corner, okay maybe not but what am i doing was probably slacking like using phone to text and all kind of useless stuff . Common test 1 was totally screwed up and so was the first half of common test 2 . How can i even forgot there was another 10 marks question when section C is always 20 marks . I just feel like im so dumb , i mean why , i dont know , i really dont know . I need someone who always be right by my side to listen to me but who else is really there for me? Best buddy , well i lost him , totally . Who was the one who said will treasure the friendship but then back out and probably have another one rn . People who tell me "im always right here for me , dont worry " , well i dont trust your words , i am sorry but i really dont because all those are jist lies. No one has ever proved me wrong because whenever i need someone,  no one is here for me . N-O O-N-E . Well friends , yes obviously i can say that i have a lot but i need friend who will be there for me no matter what . But well reality kills because i dont have any . Hahaha well its like that because life still goes on . It has been a good ranting time , enjoy the night guys , bye😊